« My cyclothymia" Christian tells us ...
"It's been about ten years I have had depression chronically, punctuated by periods where I feel almost normal.
Yet there was never any major event that would explain the intensity of the emotional states I was in. Until now, I didn’t have the instruction manual to manage my life for the good reason that my emotions were always more important than everything else.
I found so increased energy and pleasure during these moments of "happiness" and states of euphoria as much as I missed energy during my "down", when I felt depressed. My social and professional life have had the form of a discontinuous line, hard to concentrate my efforts to complete a project, follow through an activity or maintain a friendship or a romantic relationship. In the last ten years, I have lived in four different places , moved three times in three years in the same city. I told myself that by changing my environment and my acquaintances, I would feel better, that the cause of my problems was external. Only it was always myself that I moved along with my luggage.
It was necessary that my suicidal ideation become recurrent to the point where I no longer thought of the people whom I loved, for me to understand that my sessions of classic psychotherapy provided me only with passive listening, without really being able to translate
this into action and manage my life. Even if they allowed me to better understand certain of my behaviors, they did not explain my profound despair. I did not refuse life but just the life that I was living : being in a moving elevator, which stopped on the ground floor from time to time, without being able to make it goes up an down, or worse, on a series of roller coasters without being able to get off.
There are about six months, I saw an interview about mood disorders. I recognize myself in the descriptions of mood disorders and it made me feel better to put a name on my illness: bipolar cyclothymic. I decided then to consult a psychiatrist for looking after myself.
Since then, I have been taking medication in which the doses have been adjusted little by little until the symptoms of depression have faded away considerably. I felt the effects of the medications after several weeks. I got up in the morning without damning the day to come, I was able to concentrate about three to four hours on my work (before more than one hour would have been an exploit) and, most importantly, I could feel that impulse that allows you to go forwards and even better, to approach others.
I have realized that being informed and taking things in hands was a big step to begin to feel better and heal in the best conditions. I will never be cured of my bipolarity, for the only reason that for me it is not an illness, but more my temperament, as I like to say. I am learning to manage it better and better with the medications and advice.
I hope that these few lines will help you…. »